KIMBERLY SELENA

Hello my lovely pumpkins!

So since I have recently been lacking on my posting (really sorry about that!) I decided to do a easy, YET entertaining post. A story time about the time I ended up in a hospital bed.

*GOING BACK IN TIME*

Friday: February 13, 2015

It all started when I woke-up with a pain in my lower right abdominal area. I thought it was due to something I ate the night before so I shook it off and continued with my day. It wasn't till my mom took me out to breakfast that I realized something wasn't right. It come to the point in which I needed help to walk. When we got home my mom made me a hot tea and told me that should take the stomach pain away. After taking a little rest, I went upstairs to get ready for work. Going up the stairs was very painful and let's not talk about going to the restroom it hurt to sit and stand up from the toilet.

I still decided to go to work. I told my director what was going on and she made me sit during my whole shift, mainly doing arts and crafts with the kids. The pain was still there and it got worst as the day went on.

Once my shift was over and my sister picked me up. I sat in the back of her Jeep in tears telling her the pain was getting sharper every time I moved. We got home and I literally crawled up the stairs screaming and in tears. My dad ran to the stairs and helped me up. My sister was on the phone with my mom asking where my health insurance was at. My sister told me she was taking me to the hospital and everyone was ready to go until I said, "I need to pee."

We went to one hospital but they told us that they only accepted people ages 1-17, I was 18 by then so we went to the hospital right next to that one and they took me in.

I gave them a pee sample and they gave me a room.

In the hospital room they laid me down and connected the weird thing they do on your arm and we waited for a doctor. Once the doctor arrived he made me stand up, which hurt so much!! and then he asked me to jump, which obviously I couldn't. He told me it could be appendicitis, BUT to make sure he was going to make me drink a lemonade that will glow-up the part of my stomach that was causing the pain once I went through a CAT scan.

I drank it and it took about 3 hours for them to come back and take me to a CAT scan. They rolled my bed all the way there, which was cool! Once that was done they return me to my room, then an hour or so later they took me in for a ultrasound on a wheelchair, but the ultrasound part cause a bit of conflict.

To make this a quick story and not too personal, they wanted a "up-close" ultrasound instead of a over-the-tummy ultrasound, but due to some stuff, they couldn't do a up-close ultrasound. The lady did an over the tummy ultrasound which was weird. No joke, I felt like I was pregnant since my tummy was bloated like a balloon and well they were doing an ultrasound on me.

Afterwards the nice lady gave me a warm blanket and wheeled me back to my room. After another hour, the doctor came back with my results. He told me I had ovarian cyst: two on my right side, one of which had ruptured causing all the pain and one on my left side.

Ovarian cyst are fluid-filled sacs that are reproduced in the ovaries, they aren't life threatening unless they are 6 cm or bigger and some can be cancerous.

I arrived at the hospital around 7:30 pm and left around 3:45 am.

Hi

This is probably one of the most hardest things for me to do is to talk about my depression. Apart from my depression, I have battled self-harm and self-esteem problems, but they will one day get their own blog post.

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It's hard to believe a person who has light in their eyes struggles with something like depression. There's no proper way of describing how I felt when it hit. You just feel like their something dead inside of you, that's making you act dead. You don't want to eat, sleep, see anybody, talk.. it just feels like you are in a lot of pain, yet you are numb to the feeling of it. It hurts, but at the same time you don't feel anything. Your mind is stuck somewhere unreachable. You walk, talk, sit in a room surrounded by people, but you feel far away. You hear people making conversations with you and you respond, it feels like you are there, but really you aren't. Your mind is too busy sinking itself into a black and cloudy atmosphere. The most painful thing is when you can't sleep. Laying in your bed reaching for your phone to check the time. It seems like an eternity. Soon without a warning you begin to fear the unthinkable. I feared the night. I feared the thought of being left alone. I feared who I had become. I feared myself.

I don't remember when I started to feel like this, I could say it was around the age of thirteen when one day it hit me. I had lost three friends, if they can even be called friends, losing them made me realize how I wasn't needed in their group. They showed me how I was never really a part of them. In a way, I knew I had always been their puppy and I settled for it because, well, it was better than nothing. I was so desperate to fit-in. They all knew each other, I was what they label "the new girl". I was the chubby one. I was the daydreamer. I was the supportive one. I was the one with great self-esteem and confidence, but all that tumbled down when our friendship ended. My self-esteem tumble down like a wall, I felt exposed and weak. I cried for so long. I felt stupid when I saw them together. They seemed so powerful in my head.

I began to notice my imperfections. I began to hate everything about myself. It wasn't losing them as friends, it was the fact they didn't care that made me realize how little I meant. Everything sound so stupid to me now, but once you feel unwanted, you began to ask yourself: why? It wasn't long after that, I began to feel ugly. I began to feel sad. My confidence was wiped away. My self-esteem was non-existent. Soon I found myself sitting at the edge of my bed not caring if tomorrow came.