KIMBERLY SELENA

Dear Twelve-Year-Old Kimberly,

You are reaching the age of thirteen soon. It is going to be tough. You recently lost your grandpa and you feel confused. You are full of confused, but this will pass. Yet, losing your grandpa will hurt and you will learn to live with that hurt. Your body will change and your mindset will shift. It will not be easy. You are looking forward to days were you will not know how to control your emotions and you will not be able to explain what is happening to you. It will not all be dark. The boy you like, he likes you. He will tell you soon. You are also going to have wonderful days. Days where you won't stop laughing and feel thousands of butterflies.

Kim, it will be hard. They will be days were you can't imagine living another day, but you have parents who love you. You aren't as close to them now and you probably think you never will, but you are wrong. They are going to turn out to be your two best friends, who you tell everything to. I am being completely serious. Now, you are going to HATE your body, every curve and scar. You will look at it in the mirror and feel anger and you will write sadness on your journal. Why? Because your self-confidence will be non-existent. It's hard to believe since you are a cocky kid. Like I said, your mindset will shift, DRASTICALLY.

You will push people away. People you love, but never told. You will cut off toxic friendships. You will miss them at first, but that feeling will go away. You will lose people who were close. You are going to try to be strong, put on a mask and smile. But it will all eat you up, I wish I could tell you it won't, but you will lose your shit. You will shut yourself off and feel lonely. But that is what growing up is. Losing yourself. Finding yourself. Changing who you are to who you want to be. You never wanted to grow up, but you will. You will learn so much. You are strong, but sometimes you have to learn to be weak and reach out for help.

I love you gotita de amor. It has been tough, but we have outgrown the negative. We have learned to be kinder and wiser. We have stopped being afraid of things that seemed impossible. We have learned that some people are waiting to see us fall. We have learned that people would want what we have and try to take that away. We have learned that the world doesn't revolve on us or our problems, there are bigger things to worry about. The love you have for others will never change, only that the love you feel for yourself will be bigger. You will learn to be ambitious. You will get lost. You may not always have a plan. You will have bad days. You will have days were you won't be able to look at yourself in the mirror, but that is okay. You will learn that not everything has to be perfect or appear perfect to be happy. You will find happiness in the small things and you will crave hugs from people you just met. You will learn to be grateful. You will learn that even though you felt completely lonely you have people behind you who will catch you if you take a bad step. You will have your parents, your siblings, your brother-in-law and your best friend to lean on in the darkest and most brightest day. You will thank your lucky stars above for everything you have and everyone who surrounds you.

Thank you. You taught me so much.

With love,
Twenty-One Year Old Kimberly.

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